The Playground Is THAT Way

For those of you who haven't seen me in a while and had not yet found this site at the time when I bought my bike, I ride a motorcycle. Okay, so that picture was before I got the bike, and that isn't actually MY bike. It's a picture of some random person's bike that I found on the web. But mine is the exact same model, color, everything. I've removed the windshield and I don't have saddlebags, but that's about the only difference. I'm just too lazy, so far, to take pictures of my own bike.


Among riders, there's a sort of code, if you will, that they don't teach you about in the basic rider class. A Rider's Code. And it's just something you learn on the road, from other riders. And one thing is that riders show each other respect. It is not unlike other small subcultures dedicated to a way of life shared by only a select few. Think of the way Christians recognize each other by the cross around our necks, or the various faith-related bracelets on our wrists; or the knowing look and nod of recognition and mutual approval often exchanged by iPod owners when they spot each other's telltale white earphones; or the understanding glance between two Mac users on a college campus or at an internet café. It seems that minority groups develop an appreciation for the select few who understand the beauty that is their way of life. And riders are no exception.

Any new rider quickly learns to acknowledge other riders as he passes them on the road. The gesture is a simple dropping of the hand to the side, palm out, almost as though to signal a left turn with hand signals, but not as obvious. Almost, in fact, as though to give the other rider a "low 5" as he rides by, if he were that close. It's a way of recognizing those who understand the pure joy that is riding a motorcycle. It's a way of respecting those who love to ride so much that no cold weather or rain could keep them off their bike.

But what cracks me up are the scooter riders.

First, you've got the scooter riders that you see all the time, and those come in two basic flavors. First, there's the traditional motor scooters, that look like this:

Basically, it's an upgrade from a moped, the next step up. Then, there's the new kind of motor scooter, the super-mini motorbike style, that looks like this:

or

These puzzle me, really, but hey, if it makes you happy...

But what really just cracks me up to no end is the "full size" motor scooter. You see, riders of the motor scooters pictured above tend to be pretty much unaware of the Rider's Code. And that's simply because you learn it from other riders on the road, and since no self-respecting rider even takes a second look at a motor scooter, most scooterists have never been introduced to the Code. Not so with the full size motor scooter. Observe:

You see, the full size scooter bears a few faint resemblances to a motorcycle. It has more of a relaxed, laid back, feet forward cruiser style seating position. It has a full windshield. But mostly, it's pretty close to the size of some small-to-medium motorcycles.

And I can only assume that it is because of this slight resemblance to a motorcycle that these scooterists know of the Code. For no self-respecting rider would treat a scooterist like another rider, so I can only assume that somewhere along the line, a couple of riders have momentarily mistaken them for riders, and only realized that they were scooterists after the gesture had already been made.

I stare at these scooterists in honest bewilderment when they drop their hand as they pass me by. I have two questions for them: First, Why? And second, Are you serious??

Why? I mean, why would you ever buy one of these oversized scooters? It's not a motorcycle. It may be similar in size to one, but it's still got the guts of a wimpy little scooter! But what I don't understand is why anyone would pay between $5,000 and $9,000—I'm serious, that's what they run—for a 250cc motor scooter with absolutely zero dignity??!

I paid $2,400 for my 600cc Honda Shadow with aftermarket Cobra exhaust pipes, and she's a beast. And these people pay two and three times as much as me for a single-speed, 250cc oversized scooter?? Heck, for that price, they could get a 900cc Harley Davidson Sportster Custom, $7,500 brand new!! Observe... preferably without drooling all over your keyboard...

and

(Click images above to see larger pictures of these beauties.)

But instead, they bought a puny little one-speed scooter. Why??!

But are they serious? That's what I really want to know. When they drop the hand, do they really expect the respect I give another rider? Christians don't share that knowing look with Mormons just because they have Jesus in common. iPod owners don't nod their recognition to Dell Jukebox owners just because they have an mp3 player. And Mac users don't give respect to PC users just because they brought their Dell laptop to class. And neither do riders acknowledge scooterists just because they ride a two-wheeled vehicle—at least, not intentionally.

So if I pass you riding a super-scooter, don't expect me to drop a hand. Sell the overpriced monstrosity to someone who has no idea what a ripoff it is, take the money, and buy yourself a Sportster, or at least a Honda Shadow. Then, you will have my complete respect. Until then, the only gesture any scooterist is getting from me is when I point in the direction of the nearest playground.

So for all the scooterists out there who wasted about as much money as they would have needed to buy a Harley... IT'S A FREAKING SCOOTER!!!!!

I mean, seriously... who do you want to be?

Him?
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Or him?
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That's what I thought.